Your Lady in Gossip spills tea while hanging out with ANC brass and chance

Moi happens to love going to parties where the booze is flowing and decent food is galore, where celebrities and acolytes are putting on makeup and showcasing the latest fashion trends.

But at the ANC elective conference Your Lady in Gossip experienced a completely different situation, the ANC NEC gathering was like a church congregation listening to a Sunday sermon by a boring pastor. I was also deeply bored.

Worse still, the members of the Mother’s Union church serving as members of the ANC NEC seemed to have let their beauty go to waste, they looked scruffy with no trendy hairstyles or makeup. By sight, they woke up and left their bed without looking at themselves in the mirror.

The less said about the male members of the NEC, the better. It was as if they were attending a traditional ceremony to indulge in umqombothi (traditional beer) and start arguing about the women, the cattle and all the little thoughts they had in mind.

Either way, Shwa realized that some of the delegates came from deep rural areas and literally looked lost in the bright streets of Jozi, not to mention the power outages of Eskom. Yaz, you can take Jimmy to Joburg, but farm life is ingrained in them and it’s been hard to adjust to. Hectic!

Spotted Enoch Godongwana on the phone for hours, wonder who he was talking to or maybe he was arranging another massage with a masseur nearby, we will never know until a scandal breaks. He seemed to be on a deep discussion.

Umgosi, good or bad was on the agenda of this conference.

Minister of State Nanny Lindiwe Zulu looked like she had come from a nearby garment factory in Booysens where she was pushing a night sewing suit, and she just changed her boots to heels and left for Nasrec.

Former presidential spokesman Khusela Diko (remember her?) was all smiles. Too bad, where has she been all this time, I loved her simple and assertive outfit. She is a bubbly person, full of life despite her recent setbacks.

If there’s one thing Pule Mabe would hate to see in his life, it’s when he could be deprived of being in front of rolling TV cameras. Hey, Pule loves seeing his face on TV, raving when stopped. I think when he gets home he always replays his news clips, just for the sake of watching himself. Stop that.

Free State official Mxolisi Dukwana was there, talking endlessly about Free State moola shenanigans and Moi also saw him spill hot mgosi with a grandmother during the plenary session.

Cupcake and the cat, as President Cyril Ramaphosa and MP David Mabuza are known respectively, kept looking each other in the eye, smiling and acting like lovesick puppies. The knives are out, stop pretending.

I wonder what dark corner former No1 Msholozi was hiding, as he made a grand entrance when Cupcake had long since begun delivering his political report.

Butternut Nxamalala had the nerve to disrupt Cupcake’s speech, with the KZN delegates chanting “Weee Phala Phala Awuphendule uZuma Wenzeni?” (Answer from Phala Phala, what did Zuma do?) Heckling someone on the podium is an art that ANC members were trained to perform perfectly, they mastered it in their political school , I think.

Authoritarian KzN chairman Siboniso Duma subtly instilled fear in ANC chairman Gwede Mantashe and unfit police minister Bheki Cele when he took the stage and berated them.

It was like watching Wife, where Ndabezitha scares the Majola brothers. And fat Carl Niehaus will forever be a remarkable palooka who always spits bile. He was outside the conference with his MKMVA howlers, doing protest nonsense.

Power struggles and all, coupled with fake smiles, are the character of the ANC’s five-day shindig. I’m out of here.

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