DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married for 47 years. Since retiring from her job, she has become addicted to her DVR. She records everything that comes into her head to watch it “later”. She has shows she recorded in the last year but didn’t watch, and they take up 90% of her DVR drive. She only uses about 10% of it for the new shows she watches to make room for other programs. So every night we have to watch what she recorded that day to make room for the next day’s recordings.
If I say anything about it, she gets very upset and it causes tension. Some shows I don’t mind, but there aren’t many that I’ll spend time watching. Wish there was a support group for husbands of wives who are addicted to their DVRs so we can understand what’s going through their minds. How should I fix the problem? — SAVED FOR LATER IN TEXAS
DEAR SAVED: If there is a support group for husbands of compulsive wives, I don’t know of it. The solution may be to let your wife know that she can now stream many of the shows she recorded on the DVR. A compromise might be to watch ONE of the archived programs per night in addition to the new ones, if possible. However, if she doesn’t agree, consider buying yourself your own television. This way you don’t have to watch what you don’t want.
DEAR ABBY: I have what I think is the opposite problem that many adult children have. My dad does NOT want to vacation with me or my sister. I’ve noticed this trend over the past few years, and it’s really painful to accept.
When I told him I was going to my uncle’s last Christmas because I wanted to be around people who wanted me there, he agreed it was a good idea. His answer crushed my soul. He then expressed that vacations aren’t really fun, that he doesn’t like to travel, and that we fight during them.
I try to accept that he doesn’t want to spend the holidays with us and that he doesn’t feel rejected. It’s a struggle to feel loved by him. No advice? — UNWANTED ADULT CHILD IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR UNWANTED: Many people feel stressed during the holidays, especially when things don’t go as planned. Make plans to reunite with your dad that don’t involve a vacation. Because traveling is difficult for him, make alternate plans with him so he doesn’t feel stressed when you visit. If that doesn’t make things easier for both of you, arrange to spend this vacation with more welcoming friends or relatives in the future.
DEAR ABBY: What’s the appropriate response when someone tells you that their relative is in hospice? “Congratulations, that’s wonderful” doesn’t seem right. But “I’m so sorry” doesn’t seem appropriate either, since hospice is a positive action often welcomed by the ill person. I would appreciate your thoughts. — CORRECT ANSWER
DEAR CORRECT: An appropriate response would be, “I’m sorry to hear that. But if it means the end of your loved one’s suffering, that’s the right decision.
TO MY READERS: I wish you all a Merry, Meaningful and Safe Christmas. Merry Christmas to everyone! — LOVE, ABBY
Dear Abby is written by Abigaila Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
