DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for nine years and have four children, ages 5, 3, 2 and 9 months. For the past three years, my husband has attended a week-long music festival where he camps with a group of friends, many of whom are single. He met most of them at this particular party.
When they attend these shows, they use psychedelics and other party drugs. The arena is wild, with scantily clad women and people partying to the max. I explained to him how much it bothers me and that I don’t believe this is the best environment for a married man with four young children. I think it threatens our marriage. He says that I can “come if I want”, but that I would have to find daycare for the week (an option that we no longer have since the loss of our parents).
In truth, I feel like a burden for him, and he prefers to go solo to “free himself” from the daily responsibilities of our life together. Every year, I ask him not to go, but he does it anyway. I would greatly appreciate your insight on this. — LEFT IN REAL LIFE
DEAR LEFT BEHIND: You are not a “burden”. You take full responsibility for taking care of the family while he goes away and enjoys himself. If this trip is your husband’s week-long escape from reality, is he willing to accept the same for you? I’m sure you could benefit from a week without caring for three small children and a baby.
While I would liken your husband’s escape to the music festival to the hunting and fishing trips that some husbands take every year, the difference is that there are fewer “temptations” for those other open-air hobbies. air. If he’s a good husband the other 51 weeks of the year and there’s nothing you can do to talk him out of it, then think about the positive. If he isn’t, you may need to seriously think about whether you want to stay in this marriage.
DEAR ABBY: My wife and I helped a young local who was abandoned at birth and bounced back through foster care. We helped him finish his studies and start his first job.
Here’s the problem: “Samuel” got engaged to an attractive, professional woman that my wife and I both like. However, he just told us that she insists on bringing her parents on their honeymoon. His parents are convinced they should go, even to the point of arguing with Samuel about it. I have never heard of anything like that. His fiancée is 28 years old. I am very suspicious of it. What advice would you give him? — FULL HONEYMOON
DEAR CROWDED: Unless Samuel and his fiancée have been living together for a long time and he is very close to his family, my advice to him would be to get lots of PREMATURE COUNSELING before he walks down the aisle. There’s probably more than one issue that should be resolved before the vows are exchanged, and it would help avoid disagreements that could cause problems after the wedding.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write to Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069
